Get out of your head
Have you ever found yourself driving down the freeway and all of a sudden you realize that you’ve been driving for some time and weren’t even aware that you were driving. You were so into your thoughts that you barely were conscious of what was going on around you. Kinda scary when it happens. I can remember long commutes I used to have years ago when this would occasionally happen. If you’ve experienced this phenomena yourself then you know how unsettling that can be. It’s almost like you are on automatic pilot.
Our minds are amazing in that they are always analyzing situations, calculating possible outcomes and basically occupying our thoughts with a multitude of questions, concerns and other things that tend to distract us from the present moment. We can no more control our thoughts then we can control our emotions.
In this technological, multitasking society we live in where we’re always checking our phones, responding to texts and emails and being distracted in a hundred ways it’s no wonder that we seldom feel present. I would venture to say that most of us are in our heads 70-80% of our waking days. Thinking about what happened yesterday and worrying about what might happen tomorrow. And when we are in this state we often miss what’s happening in the here and now. Maybe we don’t fully “miss” but we certainly aren’t fully present.
Is there a cost to this way of being? Well in that prior example of driving the cost could be tragic if you needed to respond quickly to a change in the driving conditions. But even in a less dramatic way, being preoccupied by our thoughts robs us of our ability to be fully present for ourselves and others. I want to give you another scenario to think about…
You come home after a day at work and you are thinking about the events of your day. That discussion you might have had with your boss that has you on edge or that thing your co-worker said that didn’t sit right with you. As you walk in the door you barely notice the dog as it happily greets you and you stroll into the kitchen to grab something from the refrigerator. Your partner is at the sink cleaning up a few dishes and you turn and say something like, “work was crazy today”. Your partner is absorbed in their own thoughts and continues to put away the last dishes while you continue droning on about the tough day you had not even noticing the subtle vibe your partner is giving off. As you close the refrigerator and turn to continue with your description of your day you notice your partner turning to leave the kitchen and remark, “what’s wrong with you?” in an accusatory tone.
What’s happening here? Both partners are deep in their respective thoughts and barely notice or are available to meet the other. So when we are “in our heads” we are not present for others. Being present is the most precious gift we can give to others. It says you are important and I am fully here for you. What other ways is getting out of your head important?
When we are wrapped up in our thoughts and or emotions sometimes we react impulsively and maybe not in the best interest of ourselves or others. Learning to quiet our mind gives us the ability to momentarily step back from ourselves in a sort of objective stance and gives us a chance to contemplate our best action moving forward. It improves our communication and connection with others. Developing a mindful practice is worth pursuing and I encourage everyone to find time in their day to practice being present. I’ve added some good links for those wishing to explore this topic further.
https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/